Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The office Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has gotten over their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10 Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......

Send this email to someone who will smile: its Called..... therapy!!!

[via Raynette via Phyllis 8/6/07]

EhBrahnics

You've heard of Ebonics... Check out pidgin's version: I'm Hooked on EhBrahnics

See for yourself how easy and quick it is to converse.

Before: Hello. I've been meaning to ask you,exactly how old you actually are.
After: Howzit. What year you grad?

Before: Pardon me. Your actions make me seriously doubt your manhood.
After: Wat? Panty?

Before: That is an excellent idea. I am in full concurrence with your plan. Let us do the deal.
After: Shoots!

Before: It's those darn tourists again! You know, they're getting to be a pain in my side.
After: Frickin' Haoles!

Before: Excuse me, you seem to be blocking my path of travel. Would you mind stepping to the side, please?
After: Try move!

Before: Please, officer, I give you my word that I will no longer travel in excess of the speed limit. I beg you not to write that ticket.
After: Eh, you know my unko?

Before: I don't care for your attitude, would you care to take this outside?
After: What? Beef?

Before: That's okay, I will do it myself!
After: Nevamine!

Before: You know what I'm talking about... that whatchamacallit?!
After: You know, Da Kine.

Before: Why don't we go and takea quick dip in the ocean?
After: We go beach.

Before: I'm sorry, I won't be able to go out with you tonight, I wasn't able to find a babysitter for my children.
After: No can, my maddah said no!

Before: I'm so hungry, I haven't eaten all day!
After: We go L & L's.

Before: Can I contribute anything to your gathering. I don't want to come empty handed.
After: No worry, I get da poke!

Before: Of course I'll do you that favor!
After: Whatevas!

Before: Are you absolutely positive that you want to go through with this?
After: You Shua?